[Heysosamakeamove]

A big, big fat guy was in the elevator when another white guy entered the elevator. The fat gay guy said with offering a handshake, : "7 feet , 390 pounds, Ben Dover."

And the guy fainted. the fat guy slapped the guy, waking him up. the guy said : "what’s your name again?" the fat gay guy said : "Ben Dover." and the guy said : "oh PHEW... good... ’cause i thought you said bend over."

[Brick Tamland]

That aint funny.

[clonecat]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk calmly replied, "Cause you're ugly."

[mad]

LMAO clonecat - good one.

[HAPPY BOY]

a cuban family wants to find a nice nursing home for there elderly father.
after searching all over south florida they could not find any vacanceys in any of the catholic or christian nursing homes they were all full.
With great reservations they placed there elderly dad in a jewish nursing home.
a couple weeks later they went to visit there dad and asked him "well dad how do you like it here?" the father said "its great I love it!"
"Wow, thats great dad we were a little worry with you not being Jewish and all."
"Are you kidding me they love me here, Ya see that fellow sitting there playing checkers, He hasnt played the violin in 22 years yet they still call him Maestro.
And ya see that gentlemen napping by the window, he hasn't practiced medicine in 32 years, but they still call him Doctor. And as for me I haven't made love to a women since your mom died 14 years ago yet they still call me The F***ing Cuban!!

[Mr Nuts]

That's good..

[clonecat]

Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French


BATON ROUGE, LA . - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.

"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."

The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.

"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."

The move has been met with incredulity from the already beleaguered residents of Louisiana.

Democrats worry that between the living and the dead in New Orleans, they will be loosing about a million votes in National Elections. "This is a sad day for all of us who have counted on New Orleans," stated former President Clinton. "some of those folks have been voting for over 300 years."

However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans.

"This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."

"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again from those wienies."

The money gained from 'The Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped back into the rebuilding of Iraq.

[HAPPY BOY]

"ya ever wonder wonder why they call it taken a shit, I mean you really never take it anywhere. Maybe they should call it leaving a shit! MAN FUNK THAT