BTPV/IX: Contract My Fat White Hairy Ass
Boys i cant lie, this deal is turning out sorta different than what I had planned on. No sweat, us pros shake off a bad stretch an get back down to the business of pickin winners an beatin closing numbers. I aint got paid all friggin year an we already got the fat part of the season behind us. Side note, if yer gonna do business with these fackin SBR sharps make sure that 1.) you got a real lawyer an not the innernet kind an B.) never, never, never sign nothing (at least not with yer real name). all im sayin is that if had this SBR John bastage’s money id throw mine out, so I shoulda known any deal that got made prolly wasn’t gonna be in my best interests. They got Clarrence Darrow an I got Corey B. Trotts. I kinda figger the median comprehension level across SBR Forum is skewed towards the retard end but even you boys can prolly prognosticate the way this movie ends.
JustBet is the sponsor this week boys, an they are worth a shot if any of you contest whoores just happen to be real live gamblers. They kinda fly under the radar, offerin a boutique approach with some personalized attention by folks like our very own Sharky. Am told they dont discriminate against you alternative lifestyle types. Yer money is good at JustBet. Since alla you boys are lifetime winners I got assurances from the big cheeses that ya get paid with a smile.
Got some big surprises hoverin around the top of the leaderboard fer now, but don’t blow yer wad just yet girls cause we got plenty more at-bats before the fat broad yodels. Eggnog is about ta crash an burn cause he got the Curse of da Prick, sorry boy yer gonna still need that shinebox ta make ends meet. Thezbar finished dead fackin last a coupla years back an I’m sayin he steals the grand prize from Col. Kurtz (IWYM) an Holer in a photofinish. BrentCrude hangin tuff an fakkin Karl (Bread) who you payin ta make yer picks son? Prolly getting dizzy from lack of oxygen at yer current rarified height, pretty sure the fall from grace is gonna be rapid an painful to observe.
Down to business bung-holers, I got shit ta handle an cant waste no more time in this futile attempt ta educate you mongoloids. I know how that chick who taught Helen Keller ta read an write felt, knockin square corners offa you buncha rocks is thankless work. Pay attention, here comes the knowledge:
Oklahoma State -7.5 good lord botha these teams got smacked around last week. Cowboys turn the ball over 5 times at UT while the Clones got the ball run down their throats by a suspect Aggie team. ISU is a pretender to the Big 12 North throne, only claim to fame a yawner in Neb. OSU got beat by two pretty good ball clubs, an I gotta think them fluorescent orange uniforms might be sorta cranky after last week. I got 5k says OSU bounces back from a crap outing an covers a pretty square #.
UH -1.5 man is this gonna be a shootout. Reckon I woulda got a better # later in the week but screwit, I’ll eat the point an a half. Prick says final score is just north of 56-48, but since NCAA totals aint come out before I gotta pick I’ll just lay the road chalk. Cougars been coverin numbers all year ‘cept fer the last time I picked them. Seems like they play to the level of the competition, which is a politically correct way of sayin they aint very fackin good. Dude workin the scoreboard at Skelly stadium is gonna cramp up from alla the # changing, Cougars score like Phi Slamma Jamma an I’m halfway to getting paid.
Cards +3 wrong team favored here boys an this number is gonna close more like a PK than where I got it. NFL dogs are due, Zona as a road dog is money in the bank. Jay Cutler aint gonna take this Bears team nowhere, an a whole buncha the shine on him gets broke off this week. No chance of a repeat 6 turn-over performance from the Cards this week. Boys my gift of the week is Cards +, anybody fades this one is gonna get their wallet lightened up a group. I’m gold this week, cash money an hotter than a $2 hooker on nickel nite.
Phins +10.5 # prolly runs up some by weeks end but I aint got the luxury of waitin so I’ll just grab them points an be happy about it mister. A week off aint gonna be too much help for Patsies considerin the tear they been on for the last coupla weeks. Only concern I got is that bellichek havin a week to figger out how ta terrorize a young QB with defensive schemes. Also tough spot for Miami on the road back-to-back, but I think they got enough balls ta keep this thing close or at least sneak in with the backdoor cover to get me paid. worst case scenario Patsies get bored an let the cheerleaders play the second half
places ta go an people ta see, hope you shut-ins are eatin right an excercisin. life is way too short even fer us healthy fukkers what live right. step away from the keyboards on occasion an go rent a woman for a half hour or whatever you can afford.
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Originally Posted by The Prick
Which means when you go talk to them bring the duct tape and bacon grease