[mathdotcom]

Motivational Speech
Replace Cracker Jacks with jumping jacks.

Replace McDonald's fries with squats for your thunder thighs.

Chewing chocolate bars is not the same as doing chin ups.

Schedule:
7.00 - Wake up
7.01 - Tilt ass and slip out of bed without stepping on empty pizza box.
7.05 - Look in mirror, work on tout routine, tell yourself you are sexy and squeeze together
7.10 - Go to bathroom, step on scale. Tell yourself that soon the needle will not max out at 285.
7.15 - Go to kitchen, take bacon out of fridge. Look in mirror, ask yourself what the difference is between you and what's in your hand.
7.20 - By now you should be angry at yourself. Go onto balcony. You can wear pants but must remain topless. People walking by will point and laugh and call you names: baby fat, Babe, useless tout phuck, etc. Throw the bacon at them. This will work your arms.
7.30 - Go back to kitchen, open dishwasher and take out some dirty dishes. Lick them clean. This will condition you into thinking that food is not all there is to life.

8.00 - Throw up.
8.05 - Step on scale, see if needle is still at 'max'.
8.30 - Shower. Make sure not to slip in order to have an excuse not to work out for two weeks.

9.00 - Grab the two towels you need to dry your huge ass off.
9.30 - Get your jumpsuite and go to the gym.

10.00 - Survey the women. Find the hottest one in the gym and approach.
10.05 - Say "hey there, my name is Dave, and I am chronically obese. Can you help me get on a workout regime?".
10.06 - If she says sure, follow her instructions. If she tells you to screw off, take out your anger on a punching bag.

12.00 - By now you must be sweaty and starving. You're in luck, I'm going to let you leave the gym!
12.30 - Go to the shadiest part of town. Find a group of brothaz and try your tout routine on them.
12.35 - By now you should be running for your life. This is the best cardio you will get all day. If they don't catch you, great. If they do, maybe they can pound some fat out of you.

1.00 - Go home, relax. A normal person by now would be panicking since he forgot to call work to say he wouldn't be coming in. But you are an unemployed degenerate who thinks he can make his living flipping an unfair coin.

2.00 - Look in mirror for an hour, tell yourself you will lose weight and will look like Quebbler in no time. Do some jumping jacks. Look at those phuckin titties bounce!

3.00 - Go online, look at American health expenditures related to obesity. What a huge number. Blame yourself for all of this.

4.00 - Step on your remote. You will be changing channels on your TV manually now. If you have satellite, loosen the screws on your dish so you have to climb out there to re-align it every 10 minutes.

5.00 - Read a book on the mathematics of sports betting. Try to come to the understanding that you are a loser gambler and will need to get a real job soon.

6.00 - Take a box and unfold it. Write on the remaining piece of cardboard: "Starving. Please help." Go out to busy street corner and sit there. Make sure you wear that retarded headset. This should be the easiest part of your routine since by now your self-confidence should be totally shot.

8.00 - Take out quarter. Practice flipping coins. Record results. You will notice that after 1000 flips, there are more of either heads or tails. Frantically search the internet to see if there is a betting market for coin flipping. Post your picks with write-ups. Ignore any threads that include the words "probability", "variance", etc.

10.00 - Get ready for bed. Put on your Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, brush teeth, and read a fairy tale about the pudgy kid who once beat the bookmaker. Fall asleep and dream of a world where lines aren't efficient estimators of game outcomes.

Repeat

[York_Lion]

Mathy that was the funniest post ever and i mean ever in forum history around the world........thanks for the laugh man!!!!!!!

[dwaechte]

Wow.

[gm2022]

Before you know it Dave is gonna have a reality show Like the Movie "ED" I know SBR would be hooked!

[Deuce]

Leave the poor kid alone, ace. He has not caused any issues on forum so I see no need to bully him like a 12 year old.

Mathis,

You're better than this pal. You're solid, no need to bully a poster for some lols.

Gimme a solid JJ gif. Thanks, ace.

[englishmike]

Math; That is a seriously good post pal, I laughed my balls off...

Then I realised you're a fvckin verbal bully with nothing better to do in life than tail JJ Gold from thread to thread like you wanna fvck him and belittle decent people because your Dad used to read you bedtime stories whilst he got you to jerk him off.

[VegasDave]

Wow, another thread about me being fat huh Math?

I don't mind the jabs, they don't really bother me, and I understand that it comes with the territory.

But honestly, what is the point of all this? I haven't denied that I'm fat... and really, so what if I am. We are a message board of gamblers that sit on a computer all day, are we really ostracizing guys that are overweight? Plenty of other posters are fat, too.

What is your endgame here? Do you want to hurt my feelings so bad that I leave the board or something? I'm having trouble finding a purpose to what you are trying to prove here.

If it makes you feel big, keep at it. But it is mean-spirited and unnecessary, and I've never spoken a single bad word about you.

[gm2022]

Originally Posted by VegasDave

Wow, another thread about me being fat huh Math?

I don't mind the jabs, they don't really bother me, and I understand that it comes with the territory.

But honestly, what is the point of all this? I haven't denied that I'm fat... and really, so what if I am. We are a message board of gamblers that sit on a computer all day, are we really ostracizing guys that are overweight? Plenty of other posters are fat, too.

What is your endgame here? Do you want to hurt my feelings so bad that I leave the board or something? I'm having trouble finding a purpose to what you are trying to prove here.

If it makes you feel big, keep at it. But it is mean-spirited and unnecessary, and I've never spoken a single bad word about you.

you know you shouldnt take it personal Dave!

[Shark79]

Mathy its funny.

But next time instead of using Dave ... put SBR .... 99% of the ppl here are fat.

[mathdotcom]

We now know englishmike falls into the category, sharky.

[mathdotcom]

Originally Posted by englishmike

Then I realised you're a fvckin verbal bully with nothing better to do in life than tail JJ Gold from thread to thread like you wanna fvck him and belittle decent people because your Dad used to read you bedtime stories whilst he got you to jerk him off.

Now who's the verbal bully? You crossed the line.

[VegasDave]

Originally Posted by gm2022

you know you shouldnt take it personal Dave!

Read it again, its laden with personal attacks. Goes beyond just calling me fat/obese (in many creative and cruel ways) and proceeds to call me a tout, a loser, an unemployed degenerate, among other things.

You'd think I'd fvcked the guy's mother or something. I've never done anything to him. This goes far above and beyond joking/playful jabbing.

[pavyracer]

Originally Posted by VegasDave

Read it again, its laden with personal attacks. Goes beyond just calling me fat/obese (in many creative and cruel ways) and proceeds to call me a tout, a loser, an unemployed degenerate, among other things.

You'd think I'd fvcked the guy's mother or something. I've never done anything to him. This goes far above and beyond joking/playful jabbing.

Dave,

Remove the blinkers when you read it. I thought it was very funny. Mathy took some time to write the piece and deserves some credit. Think of it as forum entertainment material instead of a personal attack.

[mathdotcom]

How do you personally attack a guy you know almost nothing about?

The only thing I know is he's overweight. He's not even a tout. It's just ribbing.

[pavyracer]

For those that follow my ghost busting career I will give you a hint regarding mathy's true identity:

Get your jumpsuite and go to the gym.

[mathdotcom]

Shit I always make that spelling error. It's like I'm a robut.

[L2Gunz]

Originally Posted by englishmike

Math; That is a seriously good post pal, I laughed my balls off...

Then I realised you're a fvckin verbal bully with nothing better to do in life than tail JJ Gold from thread to thread like you wanna fvck him and belittle decent people because your Dad used to read you bedtime stories whilst he got you to jerk him off.

[gm2022]

Originally Posted by VegasDave

Read it again, its laden with personal attacks. Goes beyond just calling me fat/obese (in many creative and cruel ways) and proceeds to call me a tout, a loser, an unemployed degenerate, among other things.

You'd think I'd fvcked the guy's mother or something. I've never done anything to him. This goes far above and beyond joking/playful jabbing.

True, but what can u do? Everyone has there opinion and say what they want within the text of the board! Just ignore it is what Id say because all he wants is reaction is all!

[mathdotcom]

Dave and I are going to the track tonight

[compaqDikk]

guys c'mon, if every poster here were required to make a youtube and ID themself (not photoshipping magic) there would be a field day and so many posters would be run out of here like you wouldn't believe. VD would be considered a brad pitt compared to the rest of you IE go thru 2008 bash pics

place would be a ghostown literally and figuratelively. dave is handsome and i may just turn metrosexual because of it. his girfriend is an 8.5 as i have seen her and that is worth something

kudos to dave to exposing himself to the peanut gallery who hide in basement and fear even leaving to go out to grocery stores. there day was over when those start up .com grocery dlvr places went belly up

take jabs at 50 years olds whos lifes are over and they need the humility.

[VegasDave]

Originally Posted by pavyracer

Dave,

Remove the blinkers when you read it. I thought it was very funny. Mathy took some time to write the piece and deserves some credit. Think of it as forum entertainment material instead of a personal attack.

I don't disagree, it was well written and amusing. Just hard to laugh at the fat tout fvck when its written about you.

But no worries. It was intended to be a rib, so forgive my overreaction.

[Brock Landers]

Replace Cracker Jacks with jumping jacks.LOLOL

[mathdotcom]

Dave and I came to an understanding. He gave me a few picks for tonight free of charge

[Panic]

Good screen name in that post: Useless tout phuck. I think that would be a good one.

[VegasDave]

Originally Posted by mathdotcom

Dave and I came to an understanding. He gave me a few picks for tonight free of charge

Who said they were free? Paypal me $50 pal

[mathdotcom]

I will if it wins. Otherwise I expect to receive $50 from you.

[Justin7]

I looked at that original post, and while it was somewhat funny, it was also very offensive. If someone had complained about it, I would have given an infraction.

Stick to sports and stay away from ballads of offense.

[Brock Landers]

man, i read all that again, i'm in awe that Math took the time to do this LOL

A video would be even more priceless, can you make that happen Math??

[mathdotcom]

no cannot make vid
i am 350lbs so would be too ironic

[daggerkobe]

Originally Posted by pavyracer

For those that follow my ghost busting career I will give you a hint regarding mathy's true identity:

raiders72001?

[mathdotcom]

why do you assume i was ever a poster under a different name?

[Euphoria38]

Man you guys are a ****ing riot. I aint obese though i way a coolk 175 over here. I actually play sports as well as bet um


Cheers*

[Chi_archie]

Dave you need to do a JJ impersonation/spoof vid of JJ's last vid where he takes off his shirt... then go on a 6 week diet/exercise routine and do an AFTER video... maybe you'll get a contract for trimspa commercials... you could be the Jared of the gambling world

[mathdotcom]

i miss the jj workout vids

[RogueJuror]

Originally Posted by mathdotcom

no cannot make vid
i am 350lbs so would be too ironic