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"The Lawrence Phillips Timeline"
"The Lawrence Phillips Timeline"
By John U. Miller IV
This loser makes Maurice Clarett look like Maureen Stapleton. Pull up a chair...
June 1995: Phillips is charged with trespassing and assault for an attack on his live-in girlfriend. He reportedly threatened to shoot her "in the kneecaps and elbows" so the University of Nebraska provided her with 24-hour protection.
August 1995: Time for football. Phillips is at the top of all Heisman watch lists. He kicks off the season by scaling the north wall of her apartment building, jumps onto the balcony, and runs right through her screen door. He allegedly drags her down 3 flights of stairs by the hair. Phillips pleads no contest and gets one year's probation. Tom Osborne eventually wimps out and reinstates him to play football.
April 1996: The Rams take Phillips with the (gulp) 6th overall pick in the NFL draft. In their defense, his contract is a unique pay-as-you-play deal: $5.8 million but no money up front. It's sort of a precursor to Pacman Jones' deal with the Titans (also a 6th pick incidentally) with all the behavior clauses. Over a 19-month stint Phillips gets arrested 3 more times.
June 1996: While on probation he gets busted for DUI in California. Reports indicate police find a lead pipe under his seat. What is this, Clue?
September 1996: A lawsuit is filed by Kate McEwen, the girl who got dragged by her hair, accusing Phillips of beating, threatening, assaulting and terrorizing (what else is left at that point?) her during their 2-year relationship.
September 1996: John Miller takes Phillips in the 2nd round of his fantasy league draft, pairing the ex-Cornhusker up with 1st-round pick Barry Sanders. It's the mid-90's version of the Stud RB theory. Miller's buddy, Kenny, leans in close and (burp) whispers, "Hey man, you gotta (hiccup) helluva one-two punch. Could'ya pass me the Street Smith's mag... is it Greg or Craig Heyward?"
September 1996: Phillips scores 2 TDs in his first career start. No one, including Miller, really notices that he carried 21 times for only 46 yards. Or that it was against the Bengals, who were 21-59 over the previous 5 seasons. Besides, Barry Sanders piled up 191 total yards on Minnesota, so it looks like a lethal fantasy duo...
October 1996: After 5 games Phillips has 59 carries for 136 yards. That's a felonious 2.3 per carry, and he still has the same 2 scores from the opener. "He's just adjusting to the speed at the pro level," moans Miller to his giggling pals. "The schedule gets easier."
December 1996: Phillips pleads no contest to the DUI from June, gets probation for three years, 80 hours of community service, and is ordered to pay back John Miller's $50 fantasy league entry fee. He'll eventually default on all three court orders.
February 1997: Phillips is arrested at a $25-a-night hotel in Omaha on charges of disorderly conduct. A "party" got out of hand at 2:15 am and Phillips reportedly refuses to come out of the bathroom when police arrived.
February 1997: Lisa Bateman and Arthur Stallworth file lawsuits accusing Phillips of assaulting them. They were at this hotel party: Bateman accuses Phillips of groping her, and Stallworth, her boyfriend, accuses Phillips of beating him.
March 1997: Phillips is sentenced to 30 days in jail for violating probation. He is the 3rd Nebraska player from the 1994 national championship team to spend time behind bars, along with Tyrone Williams and Christian Peter.
October 1997: Phillips is charged with battery after a woman accuses him of beating her. She reportedly refused to dance with him so he smacked her and yelled, "I'll break your jawbone and pull the weave out of your head." The victim allegedly sustained a chipped tooth, cut lip and also temporarily blacked out. Luckily she wasn't hurt any worse. Phillips pleads no contest.
December 1997: The Rams release him. It's the only press conference in Dick Vermeil's career when he *didn't* cry. But get this: The Miami Dolphins sign him 2 days later. Yes, this miscreant is going to South Beach!
"A1A... Beachfront Avenue... Rollin' in my 5.0, got the top pulled down so my hair can blow... Ice, ice, baby..."
January 1998: Phillips gains 44 yards on 18 carries in two December games with Miami. At least he can tell his parole officer he once took a handoff from Dan Marino.
March 1998: A young woman named Rebecca Harvey files a civil suit against him claiming that she was attacked at that same hotel party (a nasty little soiree, indeed) a year earlier in Nebraska. The suit alleges that Phillips has shown "a continuous and outrageous pattern of gender-motivated violence." Ya think? Phillips pleads no contest yet again, literally asking to be jailed. His lawyers are obviously Sooner fans.
July 1998: Miami releases Phillips just 4 days into training camp amidst allegations from a young woman that Phillips hit her at a nightclub on June 27. Dolphins HC Jimmy Johnson explains the move to reporters: "I have to make room for Cecil Collins. We can only budget so much in bail money."
June 1999: Phillips was out of football in 1998. But he lands with the Barcelona Dragons (Hay Caramba!) in the spring of '99 and sets NFL Europe records. Over 1,000 yards in 8 games? No valid reports of any crimes or malfeasance across the pond. Must be the red wine, they say it calms the nerves.
July 1999: His agent somehow gets him a tryout with the San Francisco 49ers. They sign him. Why not? O.J. Simpson closed out his career there too.
September 1999: Phillips busts off 102 yards on 9 carries against Arizona in the 3rd week. John Miller hits the fantasy wire post-haste. "He's unclaimed!" It's a no-brainer. Terry Kirby can't find the end zone to save his life, and Donnell Bennett just signed with Kenny's team. Miller is happily reunited with his 1996 2nd-round pick. It's fate. "Championship," he crows out loud to himself.
November 1999: Phillips posts 32 yards & 0 TDs over the next 3 games after John picked him up. He's released by Miller - and the 49ers - on the same day.
March 2000: Phillips is arrested in Beverly Hills. What's he doing there, applying for Kato Kaelin's job? Authorities respond to a domestic violence call at a party. His injured girlfriend is treated at the scene. The good news is that she escapes with just a few bruises. The bad news is Phillips requires 4 officers to get him in the back seat of the patrol car.
January 2001: Phillips signs with the XFL's Las Vegas (ahem) Outlaws. Remember the XFL, the stupid idea from WWF guy Vince McMahon? Phillips inks for a base salary of $4,500. The players are promised additional monies -- reportedly up to $200,000 per game -- when their team wins. Phillips' XFL career details are murky but he was just happy to get high with Todd Marinovich.
March 2001: Phillip signs with the Arena League's Florida Bobcats. He disappeared and never got one paycheck. The worst part? John Miller tries to start an Arena fantasy league with his buddies. No one's interested. Apparently Law-Phil wasn't either.
June 2002: Phillips gets arrested in Montreal (C'mon, you knew the CFL would be calling) after sexually assaulting his girlfriend. He also failed to appear at the hearing. It's too bad because on the field Phillips helped lead the Alouettes to the Grey Cup. No lie.
July 2003: Phillips, released by the Alouettes, picks up with the Calgary Stampeders. He's quickly arrested for carrying a loaded handgun - "wrapped in tin foil like a hoagie" - in his pickup truck. He's released by Calgary for calling head coach Jim Barker something that can't be repeated here.
August 2004: Phillips stumbles into a Las Vegas pawnshop - "Steve's Buy & Sell" - at 9:00 in the morning and sells one of his Big Eight championship rings for $20. "He said he was stuck in Las Vegas," said Steve Gibson, the owner. "He said, `I need to get out of town.'" Gibson then went home and eBay-ed the ring for $1,700. Atta boy, Gibby!
July 2005: Phillips is sought by police for allegedly attacking his girlfriend and choking her into unconsciousness. It's amazing to think he just walks the streets at night.
August 2005: Phillips, now 30 years old, is arrested in Los Angeles after allegedly hitting a group of teenagers with his car. He reportedly got in an argument during a pickup football game over his missing gym bag. God knows what was in that thing - an iPod, some pills, maybe a human hand? - but whatever the case Phillips totally panics. He screams at the kids and accuses them of stealing it. "The kids said they didn't know where his belongings were," a witness said. Phillips is not satisfied so he hops in his black Honda (which turned out to be stolen) and drives onto the field to mow them down. Three boys are treated at a hospital but all were OK thankfully. Phillips is arrested and held on the domestic-violence felony warrant from the above July incident.
March 2006: The Associated Press reports Phillips will stand trial in October 2006 on felony assault charges stemming from the car incident.
October 11, 2006: The AP reports Phillips was convicted Tuesday, Oct. 10, on 7 counts of assault with a deadly weapon for hitting the boys with the car. He faces up to 20 years in state prison. His sentencing date is next Thursday.
Editor's note: This article was not intended or designed to make light of any of these crimes. Phillips will hopefully get what he deserves, and that's an extended stay behind bars -- so that he can't harm any more women or children. They should throw away the key.
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Originally Posted by savman
