Stinky Arab Terrorists - Aplenty! And added delight for Ahmed Ahmed, who was billed as Terrorist #4.
Oh goodie goodie I haven't watched a crappy Seagal movie in ages. What better way to melt away a massive Ketel One hangover? The most important executive decision that I've ever had to make is whether it's time to shave my pubies or not. I leave the important choices to Seagal and JCVD ($5).
The movie starts out with Seagal and his special team on some kind of operation. About 50 people get shot to death, including a priest with a missile launcher. We are 10 minutes in and this is already my 4th most favorite movie of all time!
This brings a random thought to mind - When you go to Extras School, is "being riddled to death by bullets" the first lesson they teach you? It pretty much has to be doesn't it? I mean if you slow down scenes where a bunch of guys are eating serious lead, (and I do,) you can definitely see who is in it to win it. I think it's probably an underappreciated art form that doesn't get enough respect.
Now this guy is a great actor
Halle Berry is along for the ride as a naughty stewardess. How is it that she looks better today than she did 13 years ago? And she doesn't have that nasty lion face starting up yet that it seems all aging actresses are getting now from plastic surgery. This was filmed towards the end of her relationship with baseball player David Justice, and I was looking very closely for facial bruises.
Chris Brown & Rihanna Sr.
Seagal's special unit has to save the plane from the filthy Jihadists. True to Hollywood form, his guys look like a goddam United Colors of Benetton ad. We have whitey, a brutha, an Asian and an ambiguously gay Latino (Leguizamo). And of course there is Seagal, representing Italian mannequins.
The plan is they fly below the airplane in some super jet and board the belly of the big boy using some high tech umbilical cord that connects to the lower storage. Things are going great until they hit some turbulence. Everything is going apeshit and I temporarily turn into a pillow biter!
Then the two planes break loose and
OMGGG!!! WTTTTFFFFFFF!!!! SEAGAL JUST FLEW OUT OF THE TUBE TO HIS DEATH!!! This can't be! We're only 20 minutes into the film! Oh holy shit this isn't a Seagal movie at all! It's a Kurt Russell movie featuring Steven Seagal?? CRAP! I saw Russell in an action film lead role recently. 'Escape from L.A.' was one of the biggest cinematic abortions ever! Oh no.
Thank God J.T. Walsh is playing a scuzzball Senator or I would turn this off right now. I could've sworn he was in the immortal classic 'Snakes On A Plane' as well, but just found out that he died of a heart attack in 1998. Depressing.
You never said goodbye
OK so what are we left with now? The rest of the team makes it onto the hijacked airliner. That's where they discover a BOMB! Oh heavens! Unfortunately the designated bomb detanotor of the group is the black guy and he's paralyzed from the turbulence ordeal. Just like a brutha to be layin down on the job.
Oliver Platt is there, and he's harder to look at than ever. Kurt Russell suddenly becomes wise beyond any explanation, solving each and every problem that arises. Be it bomb deactivation, recognizing the incognito terrorist with the seated passengers (he was Arab, duh) or even making a little time to flirt with Halle, he does it all. Then he makes an EXECUTIVE DECISION and the plane is saved.
This movie blew, but a special shout out to Louise Frogley who was in charge of costumes. Just as she did in 'Man on Fire' and 'The Rules of Attraction', Louise once again nails it. I would let her dress me up any day.
Louise Frogley. S'up girl?
Here, have some fun with this wacky clip I found. If for nothing else, you can at least see John Leguizamo get shot real quick. YAY!
Executive Decision Balls - Review
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Originally Posted by Bread
