TUF 10 Finale, Kimbo and Titties
My last two UFC write-ups have been beyond atrocious. Up until then I had been on an amazing run predicting these fights. The last bad event I had before that? The TUF Season 9 Finale. Burdened with these facts, I feel a little bit sick to my stomach about Saturday night’s fights. Will I get punished once again? It’s possible, but I feel like I should be rewarded for sitting through this entire season of forgettable heavyweights. If I wanted to watch fat slobs grabbing their knees gasping for oxygen, I’d carry a mirror when I went jogging. So without further…*hack*…ado…*wheeze*…here are my TUF 10…*gasp*…picks.
Roy Nelson -205
Brendan Schaub +165
From the very first episode when we were introduced to the entire cast, I stated that it was pretty much guaranteed that this season’s winner would be a big fat fatty. The ratio of guys who looked like fighters to guys who looked like unemployed truckers was about 1:3. When it came to mistreated physiques, Roy “Big Country” Nelson (14-4-0) took the cake. And the pie and the cookies and the flavored tub of lard too. I’m not saying Nelson is overweight, but when he takes his shirt off to fight, my TV stand crumbles and my flat screen crashes to the floor in pieces. I’m starting to get tired of it.
Now that’s not saying that he doesn’t have skills, because he does. I saw him with my own eyes execute the very rare Belly Smothering maneuver move on Kimbo Slice. It was quite amazing. If you’ve never seen it, picture it like this – Kimbo Slice is Kimbo Slice, and Roy Nelson is all other forms of solid matter on the planet. He utilizes his belly as a weapon, engulfing everything within disgusting reach. If I have to witness that again, I’m donating my eyes to science immediately.Watch out it’s Roy Nelson!
Seriously though, Nelson is the most experienced of anyone on the show, and does possess adequate striking and ground skills. He is favored as he should be, but I’m taking Schaub (5-0-0) to pull off the victory and the Season 10 title.
Schaub was a participant in three highly-exciting fights on the show against Demico Rogers, Jon Madsen and Marcus Jones. In his semifinal fight against Jones, he found himself in the unenviable position of having a giant mounted on top of him, about to deliver a world of pain. I thought it was all over. Not only was he able to escape certain doom, but he delivered a devastating KO seconds later. Yes, I am impressed.
It’s time to trim the fat and ring in a champion that we can all be proud of. Not one that could smuggle Bruce Buffer beneath his girth. (Yes, a bit of overkill on the overweight jokes. Do I feel better about myself now? You’re damn right I do.)
Jon Jones -300
Matt Hamill +250
The last time that I put all my eggs into a “next great UFC thing” basket, I was looking for a part-time job as Josh Koscheck celebrated his beat down on Anthony Johnson. I don’t care, because Jon Jones (9-0-0) is the next, next great UFC fighter. This headlining fight has all the makings of a great one and in the end I’ll be going with the young star to defeat an always-game Hamill (8-2-0).
A bit of contradictory advice – if you are looking for straight value, Hamill will probably be your play. He is a superb wrestler and brings some heavy hands into the Octagon as well. Personally, I’m just not looking for value in this one, as I feel strongly that Jones will eek out a barnburner in a helluva fight. Jones has some wrestling skills as well, and just seems more well-rounded at this point to me. Pop some extra popcorn for this one.
The good news is that Hamill won’t need that ear anyway
Houston Alexander -280
Kimbo Slice +220
By accepting Dana White’s challenge to appear on TUF, Kimbo Slice (3-1-0) showed his age, he showed his lack of cardio and he showed that he is but a small fish in the MMA world, outclassed by many. But he also showed me another side that I didn’t know existed. The man is ambitious, hungry to learn, humble, funny and just downright likeable. Who’da thunk it? Not me.
Over the course of a year, he went from someone that I loved to hate, to someone I genuinely root for. It’s strange how you can develop such strong feelings for someone that you know nothing about. Oh oh, I’m getting emotional. Maybe I should tell some more fat jokes!
Roy Nelson is so fat that he has to wake up in sections. Ah, that’s better.
I’m not playing Kimbo just because I want to see him win. Houston Alexander (9-4-1) is a perfect matchup for him. Kimbo’s weakness is guys who won’t trade blows with him at the center of the ring. Alexander will play that game. Here’s to hoping that one of the biggest enigmas in the history of MMA can get it done.
Marcus Jones -325Him big.
Matt Mitrione +250
Matt Mitrione (0-0-0) might’ve been the most hated guy in the house this season. I don’t know, I kind of liked him. At best he was a pariah; at worst, a reprobate. Either way, I enjoyed something about him.
Marcus Jones (4-2-0) was probably the most liked guy in the house. “Big Baby” was an old football star here locally for Tampa Bay. He is an absolute giant who stated his love for gardening and Dungeons & Dragons on the show. Just an all around adorable dude.
These guys had heat on the show, and it almost turned real ugly towards the end. Jones has stated on local radio how much he disliked Mitrione. I love Jones, but he is completely lost on his feet, and after allowing Schaub to escape certain death from his back, I don’t even think he can end a fight there against better competition. I’m looking for Mitrione to win this fight with his fists before he can get taken down. Either way, someone is going to get KTFO.
Darrill Schoonover -115
James McSweeney -115
Schoonever (10-0-0) might call himself “The Boss,” but unfortunately for him, he’ll always be known as “Titties” following the show. Opposing coach Rampage Jackson teased the poor kid endlessly for his undeniable chesticles. It actually went too far in my opinion. And I’m a big fan of taking things too far, but this was just ridiculous. That’s why it will be fun to watch him gain a sliver of redemption in this fight.
McSweeney (12-5-0) was easily one of my least favorite fighters in the history of TUF. And I’ve lived through Nate Diaz, Jesse Taylor and Junie Browning, so that’s saying something. Given his MMA connections, he took it upon himself to emerge as a loud-mouthed leader. All it equated to was skin-crawling annoyances.
McSweeney is a classic lesson in why you should never be intimidated by anyone who merely talks a mean game. Those are the guys who need to be throttled just a little more to remind them that bravado is something that should be earned. Whoa, I’m starting to get angry. Time to wrap up.
Schaub, Jones, Kimbo, Mitrione and Titties. Let’s do this!
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Originally Posted by jin2daj
Bread gave Robyn 1 SBR Point(s) for this post.
....no seriously I think he was. Like a big giant ball of human extract waiting to explode. 
awesome write up as usual bread